This past week has been a more serious week, which seems odd because it was my birthday. But even though I celebrated another year of life and existence, I also housed heavy thoughts about my father's health and my mother's mental health. It is very hard to watch your parents age, and reach a place that they are not happy with their living. I have been privy to aging. I saw my own great-grandparent age, my grandparents age; and I vigorously and loudly celebrate my own aging every year. But I have not really given much thought or pondered the real and abrupt changes that happen to the human (my parents) as she/he ages.

I am perplexed and at the same time I can see, as if from the outside of a window, these mental, physical and emotional changes that do/will impose into our living.

If I can see that my mother is short-tempered and that my father is being unreasonable, do they see it within themselves? Do they need me to bring it up and expose it to the light? Or is it something that is always hidden, unless like me you are a witness? Will this knowledge assist me in my own aging?

I am not seeking to not age. I am trying, hopefully, to celebrate my life as I live it. I know that aging is part of the human experience, and I want a full experience. I also want my observations, my gained knowledge to not be given away to those who might not otherwise have witnessed these goingson. What then is my job, chore or goal? Am I a town crier? a person who can set out a "blog" to be a vanguard to those who might not be so inclined to typed word?

I want to believe that my life will have made a mark on the world, someone else. I want my life to count for something? Is it enough that I have learned and grown? does it have to be a milestone or statement for future generations? Is "middle-hood" something that, oddly, is where everyone is and stands?